I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how our identities are tied to our work…
And how damaging this can be.
Let me explain what I mean…
A common question when you meet someone new is “So what do you do?”
Why do people ask this?
Because it’s an easy way to get to know someone…
To show you’re interested in them…
And to find something to talk about.
But this isn’t the full story…
The question goes deeper.
It gives us clues about what makes someone tick.
It’s a sneaky way to ask “what’s important to you” without actually saying these words.
Because our jobs give away so much about us…
They can tell someone about our education, our salary and our identity all in one go.
The question is a shortcut...
And it goes straight to the point in a socially acceptable way.
Now, I always hated being asked this question.
Not because I didn’t know the answer…
But because the answer was almost irrelevant.
I worked in banking, so that’s what I’d say.
But no part of me felt like a banker.
This was too narrow. It put me in a box.
And aligning my identity to what I did for a living felt completely wrong.
Banking was something I did…
It wasn’t who I was.
So when I answered the question, it almost felt like I was lying.
The answer hid so many more important things…
Like my friendships, relationships, hobbies and goals.
Being a son, a brother, a boyfriend…
Playing chess, poker and bridge…
Reading books, learning about business and studying magic…
This was the stuff I really wanted to talk about.
But looking back, I realised this wasn’t why the question made me uncomfortable…
I made me uncomfortable because the truth was…
I actually WAS just a banker.
I was working so hard…
I didn’t have time for other people and I didn’t have time for myself.
I’d lost touch with what was important in life and what made life worth living.
So every time I got asked this question, it just reminded me of this…
And highlighted how badly things were out of balance.
Work fluctuates.
Sometimes you need to put in the 80 hour weeks and sometimes things are a lot more chilled.
I get it.
But when you’re too tired to meet a friend for a drink…
Or you’re spending time with your partner but all you can think about is work…
Or you can’t get to sleep because your body is so wired from the working day…
Then the balance is off. And it needs to be corrected.
Now, before this gets too heavy I want to draw things to a close.
With one suggestion.
Next time someone asks you what you do for a living…
Take note of how you feel when you answer…
Because our emotions can give us clues to help us learn and grow.
Anyway, I should probably wrap this up.
I don’t know if any of this will be valuable to you.
But hopefully you got something out of it.
Have a good day.
- Tom
p.s. If you’re ready to get greater clarity on your situation, why not book a short call with me? The link is here. I’d love to chat.