Do you ever wonder how you'll act in a moment of terror?
It’s
difficult to know beforehand…
And as I found out, your actions can sometimes surprise you.
This little story is a good example.
I was 12 years old. Maybe 13. And I was travelling home from school on the bus.
I was on the top deck.
And I had my French Horn under my seat. I was playing in a concert later that evening.
The bus had stopped at a red light…
And suddenly I heard a huge crash. The shattering of glass.
I peered out the window and saw four guys in hoodies.
They didn’t look older than 14 or 15…
And they looked wild. They were on the rampage.
One of them had a brick in his
hand.
He raised his arm and launched the brick at the bus.
For a moment, time stood still.
And then I heard that crash again. The brick had smashed straight through the bus window.
I pulled myself back.
My hands were shaking as I gripped the seat in front of me.
And then I heard a scream from downstairs…
“They’re boarding the bus”.
And the screams started to get louder.
I didn’t know what do
to. I didn’t know what to think.
If the guys had bricks on them, what else did they have on them? If they’d thrown two bricks through the window, what else might they do?
And in that moment I did something I didn’t
expect.
I lowered my leg and pushed my French Horn back under my seat. Against the wall. Where it couldn’t be seen.
For some reason this was my immediate impulse.
Not focussing on my safety. But the safety of my French Horn.
The horn was definitely worth stealing. And all I could think about was bringing it to the concert that evening.
Looking back now, this strikes me as surprising.
I wonder why I didn’t think about ME a little bit more, instead of an inanimate object.
After all, my safety was more important than a French
Horn.
And I think I’ve figured out why.
It’s an example of worrying about the small things to distract myself from worrying about the big things.
Big things which involve risk or fear.
Things which might be so terrifying that it’s easier to think about something else instead.
This was certainly a theme in my job.
I focussed on hitting deadlines, bashing out emails and jumping from call to
call.
I put everything I had into my work.
And looking back now, I can see this was a great way to ignore a bigger issue.
Because I should’ve been asking myself the question “is this actually the right job for
me?”
But asking that question was terrifying.
When I did eventually tackle it, it opened a can of worms.
It forced me to
scrutinise a lot of different things in my life. And doing so was pretty hard.
I knew it would be. That’s why I ignored the question for so long.
But even though it was hard, I couldn't be happier that I
did.
Maybe some of this resonates with you too?
Either way, that’s it for now.
Have a good day.
- Tom
p.s. Whenever you're ready, here are the ways you can connect with me