I was flicking through the Sunday Times a few days ago and came across Queen Dolly of Alderton’s weekly agony aunt column.

It begins:

Dear Dolly of Alderton… 

I’m 32 years old and, in a world full of married friends, I find I am happiest being single, but I feel guilty about it.

The letter goes on to explain that the writer doesn’t feel the same desire as her friends for a long term partner or children.

Her question?

How can I stop feeling guilty and like a “broken” women and just move on and enjoy my life?

Queen Dolly’s answer leaves no stone unturned.

And here’s the crux:

I think the key problem we’re getting to is that a lot of women live with such an expectation to have children, from such a young age, that living without them and yearning for them forever would be more torturous than any stresses that come with having an actual baby

Now, I’m dipping my toe into uncharted waters here.

And I don’t want to risk my daily email turning into an agony aunt column. 

(if it’s dating and sex you want, my little sugar possum, you’re on the wrong email list.  You won’t find even the smallest hint of a leopard-print thong in these holy scriptures)

So why am I writing about this?  Instead of my usual inquests into working life?

Here’s why:

It struck me that “having children” could be replaced by any number of things.

That expectation that Dolly mentions?

It applies to everything from going to university, to finding a husband or wife, to buying a house or a car, and living happily ever after.

Or, as you might’ve guessed, slogging it out in a job that pays the bills but nothing more.

The stats don’t lie.  Up to 85% of people aren’t happy in their jobs (depending on your search engine).

But few do anything about it. 

And the yearning and stress that Dolly mentions in her answer is wholly applicable to leaving a job.

Put simply:

Switching careers or striking out alone is more torturous than any existing job-related stresses or strains.

So on it goes.

A year passes.  Then another, and another.

And before you know it, 13 years have gone in the blink of an eye.

That’s how it went for me.  The fear of quitting outweighed the uninspiring work, lack of freedom, loss of balance and impact on my health.

These things always nagged away at me.  But they were never strong enough to do anything about.

Until one day, it flipped.  And ignoring the yearning to quit became more torturous than the stresses and strains of actually quitting.

What caused the flip?

It’s all in my book.

Unlike Queen Dolly’s books, there’s nothing about terrible Tinder dates, high jinks in Camden and hangover mac & cheese.

But there’s plenty about how to push back against society's expectations, overcome fear and weigh up the risks of big decisions.

In case you’d like to pick up a copy:

Quit Your Job, Change Your Life

That’s all for today.

- Tom