I’m not sure if this is normal or not.

But back when I was employed, my iPhone alarm would usually let rip at 7am.  And by the time I’d fumbled around trying to find my phone and hit the snooze button, I’d be wide awake.

For a few seconds, all would be good with the world.

Life felt gentle and quiet.

I’d feel calm and peaceful.  

Then all of a sudden, from nowhere…

WHAM!

Feelings of worry, anxiety and dread would hit me like a ton of bricks as I started to think about the back-to-back meetings, overflowing inbox and looming deadlines I'd be facing that day.  And my relaxed and peaceful feelings vanished quicker than a fart in the wind.

Sometimes I couldn’t even remember what there was to worry about, but I knew there was something to worry about.

So I’d ask myself “What have I forgotten to worry about?” and inevitably I’d remember what it was.  

I’d groan, sink deeper into my mattress and start worrying.

This was how my days began.  Day after day, week after week, for years.

And I'm intrigued by the fact that I could be lying under my duvet, head on my pillow, feeling totally relaxed and calm.  And yet an instant later feel miserable.

How can my feelings change so quickly and intensely even though nothing has changed in my life, in my environment or in the world?

Well, one thing had changed:

My thoughts.

My doubt and worry began when I started thinking certain thoughts.

And this points to the idea that our emotions and feelings aren’t a result of our situations and circumstances.

Instead, they’re a result of our thinking about our situations and circumstances.

Not what we think, but how we relate to our thoughts.

Like how seriously we take them…

How much we dwell on them…

And what meaning we give them.

In other words, how we think about our thinking.

And on a personal note, I've noticed that seeing my emotions as purely a function of the stock I place in my thoughts has really helped me.

Of course, I still worry and feel anxious about things.

But nowadays these feelings disappear more quickly.  They feel lighter and less consequential.  And I no longer dread that negative emotions will be a constant part of my life.

Anyway, I know what I’m writing about today isn’t a common idea. 

But I think there’s a lot to be said for it.

So perhaps it's something to ponder.

That’s all for today. 

 - Tom

p.s. feel free to hit reply and drop me a line if any of this resonates with you.  Or if you'd like to explore this idea some more