An amusing “show-n-tell” which might prick the ears of newbie parents:

(from Dan Ariely’s page-turner Predictably Irrational):

A day care centre had a problem with parents picking up their kids late, so they added a fine.

But now that parents were paying for their tardiness, they could decide for themselves whether to be late or not.  And they chose to be late more often.

So a few weeks later the day care centre removed the fine.

Let me put the brakes on here.

And ask you this:

Can you guess what happened next?

That’s right. 

The tardiness of the parents went up – again.  The parents started picking up their kids even later than before the fine was introduced.

Give the momagers and dad-visors an inch and they’ll take a bloody mile!

But do I blame the parents for such cheeky and casual behaviour?

Not in the slightest.  I’d probably do the same.  If I put myself in their snazzy shoes and imagine how I’d react if my tot’s hangout was getting all uppity, laying down the law and trying to punish me for rocking up a few minutes late to whisk my little darling back to Chez Grundy, I’d feel hard done by.  And turning up later would even the score.

Clearly the day care centre screwed up and punishing the parents backfired.

It prompts the question:  is punishment the best way to solve your problems?

As this example shows, quite often the answer is no.  It’s not.

And never is this more true than when it comes to ourselves.  How we treat, speak to or deal with ourselves when the sh*t hits the proverbial fan (or the proverbial nappy), or even when we act in a way which is completely in keeping with our own habits and personality, yet which for some reason doesn’t seem okay (usually because other people – or society – is doing things differently).

In instances like this, people resort to a form of punishment too.

Only this time, it’s self-punishment.

Like negative self-talk (“you’re such an idiot”)…

Or guilt creation (“I shouldn’t do it that way”)…

Or avoiding self-care (not relaxing, indulging in hobbies etc etc).

But it won’t surprise anyone to hear that if you want a more joyful, peaceful and happier life, self-punishment is not the answer.

And I write from the bottom of my heart when I say that the less we punish ourselves for just being ourselves (for being human!), the kinder we are to ourselves and the more we realise that most of our so-called problems aren’t even problems at all, the more flourishing and aliveness there’ll be everywhere.

So that’s my thought for today.

What do you think?

Could be something to chew on.

Back tomorrow with more.

- Tom