I’ve been a self-help junkie for most of my adult life.

You name it, I’ve tried it.

Everything from daily affirmations & meditation, to mindfulness courses & cold showers, to yoga, endless books, podcasts, health & fitness routines, float tanks, vision boards, positive thinking, Wim Hof breathing techniques, daily journalling, discovering my values and setting numerous & extensive goals.

I even went through a phase of drinking green tea!

(very Zen, I thought)

But none of these ever hit the mark and led to a happier, richer life.

I mean, I might’ve got a shot in the arm of calm after a yoga session.

I sometimes got a rush of adrenaline as icy water hit my skin during another torturous 2 minute cold shower.

Good ways to win small battles for sure.  But I was never winning the war.

And if there was such a thing as a “happiness scale” then maybe some of my self-help activities took me up a couple of notches. 

But lots of them took me down a couple of notches too.

All in all, a pitiful return for almost 20 years of hard labour.

Anyway, I always thought there was something out there that would work. 

Looking back today, I’m glad I kept going. 

After going really deep into all this stuff over the last couple of years, I think I’ve finally figured out why most of the mainstream self-help advice makes so little difference.

And, more to the point, what does make a difference.

Here's the scoop:

In my view, way too much of the personal development and wellbeing claptrap that dominates apps, social media and books - and even well-meaning courses, classes and communities – is focussed on improving symptoms.

But this is completely back to front.

Trying to find more balance by going to yoga or more peace by setting stronger boundaries is no different to repairing a crack in a wall by grabbing a tin of Dulux, a paint brush and painting over the crack. 

Sure – the symptom has gone.  You can’t see the crack in the wall any more.

But the crack is still there!  It’s just masked by paint.

My assertion?

Most personal development advice & activities work exactly the same way, even though improving symptoms will never lead to long-lasting happiness, peace or fulfilment.

Instead, focussing on the source of those symptoms is where real transformation happens.

And I don’t mean sources like deep-rooted childhood trauma or fundamental character flaws. 

I mean something much, much simpler.

Back tomorrow with more on this.

That’s all for today.

 - Tom