There’s a question I often get asked on my coaching calls.

It takes a similar form. Usually “How do I find…?” or “How can I be…?”

For instance:

How do I procrastinate less and find more flow?

How can I be more confident?

How do I find more happiness?

My answer to questions like these is usually the same:

I don’t think it’s the right question.

I think a better question is How are you blocking whatever it is you’re seeking?

Let’s take the sun as an example.

Whenever a cloud appears in the sky, or someone puts on their sunglasses, or someone else draws the blinds, it doesn’t mean the sun has gone.

Sure – it’s been blocked.

But the sun is still there.  It’s still shining.

It’s always shining.

Which means if you want to find more sun, all you need to do is remove what’s getting in the way.

It works the same way with us.  We’re often blocking the very thing we’re seeking.

This shift from “How do I…” to “How am I blocking…” might sound like quibbling or splitting hairs.  

But there’s all the difference in the world between thinking that you need to change something about yourself to try to find happiness (for instance) vs seeing that the very happiness you crave is baked into you like flour is baked into a lemon drizzle cake and that it’s ready & waiting to be released.

We are all, at our very core, the embodiment of happiness, peace, calm, flow, aliveness and wellbeing. 

This is our true, deep, essential nature. 

One look at a new born baby staring into space or giggling in your arms will show you this.

So you don’t need “to do” anything or “go" anywhere to find these.

Or, heaven forbid, tell yourself to be mentally tougher, more disciplined or stronger willed.

(ironically, mindsets like these are often causing the blockage in the first place.  But that’s a whole other topic in and of itself)

Even if you wanted to, you can’t become more of what you already are.

Instead, it can be helpful to think about removing whatever is getting in the way.

I know the literal Larry’s & Linda’s might read these words and think I’m somehow implying that by waking up to who we are, anyone can be happy, peaceful & calm all the time.

Or even that people should be happy, peaceful and calm all the time.

But I’m not saying this at all.

What I’m saying is:

Once anyone wakes up to their true nature and understands how their true nature is always shining (even if it doesn’t feel like it is), it’s amazing how much more often their true nature will shine through.

The poet and mystic Rumi once said If you find the mirror of the heart dull, the rust has not been cleared from its face.

I couldn’t put it better myself.

If you’d like to explore this for yourself:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

 - Tom