Let’s rewind the clock a few years.

Back in the Dark Ages of my career – meaning, back when I worked at Lloyds Bank and wrestled for years with the thought of quitting my job, as opposed to working at Lloyds now and actually looking forward to work as I stroll merrily into the office each day – I started digging into a deep & important question:

How do I figure out what I really want?

This was a question that came up for me in a number of ways.

For instance:

There were a couple of times in the first iteration of my banking career when it was suggested I might like to apply for roles & promotions in other teams.

And, while it’s fine & dandy to be thought of for things like this, it did make me wonder:

How do I know if I actually want that role?  How do I know if I really want a promotion rather than just thinking I want one, being told that I want one or just doing the “done thing”?

I found questions like these almost impossible to answer and thus some decisions became a tortuous, internal tug of war.

This is what prompted me to investigate the question “How does anyone know what they actually want?”

On my quest to suss this out, one piece of advice kept popping up.

That advice? 

If something isn’t a “Hell Yes!”, it’s a “No”.

i.e. you know you want something when it’s overwhelmingly obvious that you want it.

Otherwise, it’s a “No”.

As far as I can see, this idea was first put forward by the entrepreneur Derek Sivers.  Derek was launched into mainstream consciousness when he appeared on an early episode of the Tim Ferriss show.

When I heard him talk about “Hell Yes or No”, I nodded my head sagely.  The idea that I could tell a true desire by it’s overwhelming obviousness kind of made sense.

But now I’m not so sure.

I’m not so sure that an immense, intense and undeniable “Hell Yes!” is the key to knowing what you really, truly, deeply want in life.

For instance, I knew I wanted to share what I’ve learnt about topics like stress, work/life balance and overthinking with colleagues at work.

But my desire to run 10 weeks of Mindset Workshops in the office didn’t overwhelm me like a guitarist at a rowdy rock concert.

Instead, it was the complete opposite.  

It was a subtle, quiet and peaceful feeling.

And I’ve noticed this “wanting” is often so quiet and understated that it can be difficult even to spot, let alone listen to. 

I’ve heard it described as like a flute at a house party.  

(I think it was the psychologist George Pransky who said that, but don’t quote me)

But even if this “wanting” is hard to make out, that doesn’t mean it’s not there.

It is there.

And if you’d like to get more in touch with your own desires, inclinations and knowing, it begins by starting to turn down the music which is getting in the way.

I know this might sound vague, mysterious or even “woo-woo”.

But that’s all gravy with me.  

My emails and my coaching aren’t meant for the hoi polloi who turn their noses up at anything unclear or obscure.

Instead, they’re meant for those who enjoy considering little-known ideas and new ways of relating to life.

If that’s you and you’d like to delve deeper:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

That’s all for today.

 - Tom