Note:  I’m writing an occasional series about my own coaching sessions.  This is part 2.

Here’s my favourite bit of Steven Covey’s smash-hit bestseller The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:

Between stimulus and response, there is a space.  In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.  In our response lies our growth and happiness.

I can see Covey’s Space in some parts of life.

Work is one example. 

In the first iteration of my banking career, I’d often rush from meeting to meeting only to arrive back at my desk to find 50 new emails waiting for me, 25 of which needed a response 10 minutes ago. 

I found this stressful.

This stress ramped up to another level during Covid.  It really felt like work had taken over my life.

After burning out, leaving my job for 2 years and discovering all sorts of useful ideas (like Covey’s Space), I’m back in my old job.  And nowadays a stimulus that would’ve been a source of stress in the past (e.g. an inbox full of emails) isn’t a source of stress any more.

I’m not saying this is always true.  It’s not a slam dunk.

But my experience of work is like chalk and cheese vs the bad old days.

And given how much more enjoyable working life is now, the question I’ve been asking recently is this:

How can I bring this into parts of life where I don’t see things the same way?

I shared an example with my coach where it looks like Covey’s Space isn’t there.  Where I’m at the mercy of a stimulus rather than running the show myself.

And that’s when my coach said this:

The space is there.  You’re just not noticing it.

This struck me as an interesting distinction.

See, I’d never considered that not noticing something doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

As we kept talking, my coach changed tack.  He asked me if I take any journeys on the regular.

One journey came to mind straight away – my cycle into work.  For the last few months I’ve got into the cheeky habit of saddling up on a Lime bike and blazing down the cycle superhighway through the silky bandanas & horn-rimmed spectacles of Shoreditch and into the City of London.

My coach asked me if I’d ever spotted anything on this journey which I hadn’t seen before.

I paused. 

What came to mind made me smile.  A few weeks ago, for the first time EVER, I’d noticed a No Entry sign on a small bit of road I’d been cycling down just after the end of the cycle superhighway.

A bit of road I’d probably cycled down 100 times before I saw that sign.

So yes. 

Not noticing something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

And perhaps more to the point, just because I haven’t noticed something 100 times before doesn’t mean I won’t notice it in the future and then notice it again and again and again.  

(I can't ignore the No Entry sign now I've seen it!)

Realising this has already lifted a small weight from my shoulders.

It’s also given me eyes for noticing Covey’s Space the next time it looks like Covey’s Space isn’t there.

So it’s a definite shift and I’m excited to see how it plays out.

Maybe you’ve noticed I didn’t come away from my coaching session with a new roadmap, vision board, mission statement or checklist full of tasks.

And that’s how it should be.

Coaching like this isn’t for the eager beavers who want more stuff to do and then to be held accountable for doing all that stuff.

Instead, it’s for those who want to move through the world in a clearer, calmer and more connected way.  

Same goes for my coaching too.

If you’d like to get going:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

That’s all for today.

 - Tom