In September 2023, I jetted off to Toronto and the land of moose & maple syrup for the second leg of “supercoach” Michael Neill’s certification training.

On the second or third day of the training (can’t remember which – the London, Toronto and L.A. legs all became a bit of a whirlwind), Michael told a short story about the Buddha.

A story which, half a year later, has still left its mark. 

Especially when it comes to handling negativity and keeping calm under pressure.

Anyway, this was back when the Buddha was a spiritual rookie and hadn’t yet become the enlightened icon we know him as today.

The Buddha was giving a talk one day when he started to get heckled.  Turns out the heckler wasn’t buying the ancient wisdom the Buddha was selling.

Unperturbed, the Buddha kept going, but the heckling got worse.

Still the Buddha didn’t miss a beat and after a while the heckler got bored and wandered off.

After the talk, over dinner, one of the Buddha’s followers asked him how he’d stayed so calm and level-headed despite the rowdy heckling.

Here’s what the Buddha said:

Buddha:  You see this bowl in front of me?  Who’s bowl is it?

Follower:  It’s yours.

Buddha:  That’s right.  Now if I place this bowl halfway between us, who’s bowl is it?

Follower:  Still yours.

Buddha:  Now if I hand you this bowl, who’s bowl is it?

Follower:  Still yours again.

Buddha:  That’s right.  Just because someone hands you something doesn’t mean you to need to take it.

When Michael told this ditty, it dawned on me:

This really is how it works. We don’t have to grab hold of what other people are handing out.

If someone drops us a Whatsapp, buzzes us on the phone or knocks on our front door, we don’t need to answer. 

If someone tries to draw us into their problem or unload all their issues or frustrations, it doesn’t mean we need to accept. 

And if someone tries to disturb us, criticise us or throw us off our game, we don’t need to grab hold of that either.

Hence the phrase “taking offence”.

Offence is not something that can be given.  It can’t somehow be installed or implanted in your brain.

It’s only something we can take.  The choice is ours.

And it’s good to know this.

In fact, it’s really good to know this.  Especially if and when I start to start to feel hassled, stressed or overwhelmed.

That’s not to say we never take the buddha bowl when someone hands it to us.  I’m not trying to put forward an argument for always turning a blind eye, shrugging our shoulders or ignoring everyone & everything.

I’m simply saying it can be easy to miss the fact that we’re the gatekeepers of our own peace of mind.

Now, I don’t know if this sounds like good news or bad news. 

After all, blaming others for our mental troubles can be a handy Get Out Of Jail Free Card.  I’ve used this card endlessly myself.

But to my mind, knowing that no-one has autonomy over our peace of mind apart from us is some of the most freeing, empowering news there is.

If this email has got you curious and you’d like to explore what this means for you, there’s more info here:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

That’s all for today.

 - Tom