To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment — Ralph Waldo Emerson

I spent a lot of my 20s trying to fit in.

Whether this was conscious or not I can’t say.

But I certainly got swept along in the mainstream mindset.

When it came to my career, I had grand plans to try my hand playing poker for a living. 

Ultimately I plonked for the safe and steady option of a traditional & well-respected banking job.

And when senior colleagues suggested I take on extra responsibility as it was a “good opportunity” or I should apply for a promotion as it was the “obvious next step”, I did. 

Even though I didn’t want to.

When work started to get stressful, I jumped on the mainstream meditation and mindfulness bandwagon. I also tried to set boundaries, think more positively and use reframes to get through another day of relentless emails and back to back meetings.

Shit lot of good any of that did.

And what I’ve realised more recently is this:

Trying to fit in and follow the crowd kept me from living a life that felt like mine.

See, I always wondered why my life felt “off”.  Why it felt like something was missing. 

It might’ve looked like everything was gravy on the surface.

After all, I was climbing the career ladder in my banking job, taking holidays to places like Japan, Australia & New York and splashing my cash on fancy restaurants and big nights out.

But how it felt was very different.

Life has certainly kicked up a couple of notches the less I take my inspiration from everyone else and the more I check in with myself and ask questions like “what’s right for you here Tom?” or “what would you like to do next Tom?”

In case you’re wondering:

This isn’t a comment on how anyone else chooses to live their life.  

It’s more a reflection on how I want to live mine.

Quitting my job without a plan isn’t all that normal.

Nor is starting a daily email newsletter, going back to my old job or bringing mindset workshops into the office.

Even having a baby without getting married isn’t that usual in my group of friends and peers.

Sure, it’s not that crazy either.

It’s not like I’ve turned into a barefoot, kombucha-brewing hippie with a ukelele and a dreamcatcher tattoo.

But these are examples of how, more recently, I’ve decided to do the things in a way that’s right for me rather than following the crowd.

Life is better for it.  It feels like I’m more on track than I ever have been.

Ultimately, if you’re taking on all the suggestions, views, perspectives & opinions of friends, family, colleagues and society at large, you could be crowding out the most relevant, authentic and useful voice of all.

And that voice is you own.  That's what it all boils down to.

While we're on the subject:

This Wednesday 6^th November at 11am PST / 2pm EST / 7pm GMT I’m running a special Zoom training.

On the training, I’ll be sharing how I finally started tuning out the noise and listening to myself via The Subtraction Method.

The training is for readers of John Bejakovic’s daily newsletter.  But we’ve opened up the training to readers of this newsletter too.

The training is free, it will last about an hour and there will be a recording if you can't make it live (I’ve had a few people ask). 

If you'd like to sign up:

https://subtractionmethod.com