That’s the question a colleague asked me during the Mindset & Clarity workshop I ran last week at work.

It’s a great question.

Not least because how I approach work/life balance has changed in the last couple of years.

My focus used to be on finding “outer balance”. So for 13 years (i.e. v1 of my banking career), I did all I could to strike the perfect sweet spot between work, the gym, getting 8 hours sleep, finding time for hobbies, friends, family, the pub and so on.

All with the aim of having as much calendar balance as humanly possible so if someone took a snapshot of my diary they’d say “ooooh, what great balance you have Tom!”.

But what I didn’t realise was that my craving for outer balance was really just a means to an end.

That end?

To feel balanced. To feel like my life was grounded, centred, calm and fulfilling.

I thought outer balance was the way to find this inner balance.

But that’s not the way it works.

See, there were absolutely times when I had a balanced diary and still felt hollow. There were also times when work was pure pandemonium and I felt pretty good about life.

That’s not to say we should throw outer balance out the window.

It’s just saying that if you want to feel balanced, creating a neat & tidy calendar might not be the best strategy.

So back to the question “What does a good work/life balance look like for you personally Tom?”

My answer is this:

I want outer balance in my life. I don’t want to spend 12 hours a day in the office. I do want to spend time with my daughter, with Lozzadog Lauren, with my family and my friends. I also want to run, to go to the gym, to write, to finish my new book, to create my new product on overthinking, to coach, to read, to watch TV and have space in my life to follow my nose to see where that takes me.

But that’s not all.

I also want to feel balanced. More and more, I want to tap into that place of calm which I know exists within me, even when I’m pulling a late night in the office or when Baby Grundy wants to play peek-a-boo at 3am in the morning.

So yes. I want to have my cake and eat it.

And there’s nothing wrong with that!

But the key, to my mind, is separating the raisins from the rice pudding. It’s seeing that outer balance doesn’t lead to inner balance and that inner balance doesn’t lead to outer balance.

Ultimately one’s about managing your calendar and the other is about understanding your mind.

If you’d like more balance in your life, here’s a potential next step:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com