I’m writing this email on a train back to London after Day 1 of my new year-long Coaching Apprenticeship training.

One part of the day stood out in particular.

We were shown a video of a TED Talk by the American coach and author Michael Bungay Stanier called “How to tame your Advice Monster”.

According to MBS, we all have an Advice Monster. It’s the part of us that can’t resist jumping straight in with “here’s what you should do…” when someone begins to talk.

But it turns out our knee-jerk urge to dish out helpful advice might not be as helpful as we think.

For one, most people don’t want advice. What they want is a moment to breathe, be heard and think for themselves. For two, the issue at hand is rarely the real issue anyway. And for three, offering advice is just another way of telling someone “you don’t have what it takes to figure this out by yourself”.

In my experience, that last point simply isn’t true.

Whenever I coach, it quickly becomes clear that people absolutely DO have what it takes to figure out the challenges they’re up against. Not only that, but the solutions they come up with are perfect for them. They’re solutions that come from wisdom and the moment, not someone else’s memory or best guess.

So if you’re confused by an avalanche of advice on offer, my suggestion is to ignore it and check in with yourself instead.

Case in point:

Soon, Baby Grundy will wriggle from newborn to toddler. And honestly, I’ve never experienced a phase of my life where so many people have offered so much advice that somehow made things harder rather than easier.

One nurse insisted on Sudocrem for Baby Grundy’s skin. An hour later, a different nurse told us not to use Sudocrem under any circumstances and to use coconut oil instead.

Then there were all the books, articles and forums which suggested using a dummy and all the books, articles and forums which basically said that using a dummy is the equivalent of sabotaging our baby’s future.

(remind me to never check Reddit again for anything that actually matters)

And then there's the whole topic of sleep. Don't get me started on that!

So yes. An all-out minefield of ointments, dummies and sleep schedules.

While I don’t doubt people share advice with the best of intentions and even the backing of logic and science (ooooh, science!), it brings to mind the fable of the poor old donkey stuck between two barrels of hay. The donkey trots towards one barrel, then the other, then back again…until it ends up paralysed, starving and destined for the great donkey stable in the sky.

It should be clear now why my Subtraction Method is called the Subtraction Method.

But just in case:

If there’s a part of life where you’re feeling stuck, it’s not because you don’t have enough advice.

It’s because you’re paying attention to all the advice in the first place.

If you’re looking for someone to tell you what to do, what to think, how to feel or how to get unstuck, my coaching is not for you.

But if you’d like to find the answers for yourself?

That’s a different story.

Click here for more info:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom