One of my 2025 highlights was joining American "supercoach" Michael Neill’s 6 month mastermind:

Your Life, Your Way

During one of the calls, I raised my digital Zoom hand. And when it was my turn to jump in, I asked Michael about the thorny topic of conflict.

See, I’ve always been conflict-averse. 

Yet I wondered if I might benefit from being more up for some argy-bargy.

Michael wasn’t totally sold on that idea. If anything, he thought the world could do with more people who were conflict-averse.

What really struck me, though, was what Michael said next.

I can’t remember the exact words he used.

But what I heard was the idea that deciding once and for all how to feel about conflict and then applying that rule forever might not be the most helpful strategy.

That landed with me.

I can think of plenty of moments where avoiding conflict has been a smart move. Barely a day goes by at work without something sticky being said in a meeting which I could challenge if I wanted to. But most of the time it's just not a battle I want to pick.

So that’s one side of the coin.

Having said that, I can also think of other moments where embracing conflict would’ve been the much smarter move. I remember snagging an oh-so-hallowed promotion at work a few years ago and being told that, despite company policy, my pay was only going up by the tiniest smidge. That would’ve been a good moment to probe a bit and no doubt could’ve led to a spicy conversation.

So it all comes down to NOT having a fixed position one way or the other but seeing what the moment calls for instead.

This doesn’t mean being passive, lest you think it does. 

It just means being open. 

So when conflict does arise or is called for, we can disagree clearly, hold our ground and have a difficult conversation because we’re not trying to dodge it. And when harmony arises or is called for, we can meet that too. We can enjoy the ease and let things flow without the suspicion that "this is too easy, there must be something wrong!”.

I guess what I'm seeing is that the less I decide how to approach life before it happens, the more life flows.

And sure, we all have our preferences. 

I much prefer my morning cup of coffee to a morning cup of tea. 

But when we make those preferences requirements ("I must avoid conflict"), we’re missing the opportunities the moment gives us and setting ourselves up to suffer every time life doesn't play along.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I’ve noticed life has a knack of not always playing along!

My coaching explores this too.

Not strategies or scripts for life, but a space to see more clearly so you can act decisively, make confident decisions and create what matters to you.

If you'd like a free Discovery Call:

https://waitinglist.followingfulfilment.com

To fulfilment,

Tom