On Friday, I carted myself off to the cinema to watch the new Frankenstein movie.

The film was nowhere near as exciting as the trailer. 

But what was much more exciting was a podcast I fired up on the way to the cinema. Steven Bartlett was chatting with Liverpool FC’s iconic ex-manager, Jürgen Klopp, in a video which has already racked up over 1.5 million views on YouTube.

One question from Steven perked my ears up in particular.

Despite all his success, Klopp’s also known for having more near misses than I’ve had hot dinners. He’s lost the Champions League final three times and finished Premier League runner-up twice.

Hence Steven’s question: 

“How do you deal with the disappointment of near misses? They can turn into a downward spiral. It can crush someone’s confidence, like a plant getting stood on. But it appears near misses ended up being a positive force for you?”

I thought Jürgen’s answer was illuminating:

“I always knew I’m not here to get everything. I’m here to GIVE everything.

That doesn’t help in the moment when you fail. But the general understanding helps. So I’m not surprised that I fail. I don’t see myself as a constant winner in my mind. I see myself as a constant trier. Nobody wins all the time. Nobody”

Lots of wisdom right here.

Especially the difference between the moment of failure and what Klopp calls the “general understanding”.

That's another way of saying the sting of losing vs a wider, truer perspective:

That it’s all a game anyway.

I don’t just mean football by the way. I mean it’s ALL a game.

I remember reading a passage in Michael Neill’s The Inside-Out Revolution that had me so excited I text my sister to say “you have to read this!”

Michael was writing about a gambling-based thought experiment (my kind of thought experiment) where you’re given a job in a casino. To drum up action at the blackjack tables, you’re paid $500 each night to gamble with the house’s money. At the end of the night, whether you’ve won or lost, you leave the casino with your $500.

What would that be like?

In Michael’s words:

If you quadrupled your money you’d be excited, but at the end of the night you’d forget about it. Similarly, if you lost it all, you’d be disappointed – until you remembered it was just a game. You’d play full out and fearless, because there’s nothing at stake and because, as with most things in life, it isn’t actually up to you how things turn out. The fact is, some stuff just isn’t in the cards – for now. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. That’s what makes it a game.

Michael goes on to say:

Except on those extremely rare occasions when our life (as opposed to our livelihood) might actually be on the line, we’re playing with the house’s money. Contrary to the way it appears from time to time in the illusion of our thinking, there’s nothing real at stake. The only thing we have to lose is the illusion that something outside us can make us happy, safe, and secure.

This is the bit which got me excited when I read it.

I realised that WHATEVER I get up to in my life, my happiness is not at stake. It won’t come from my achievements, nor can it be taken away from me by my failures.

My happiness is baked into me already, like cinnamon baked into an apple strudel.

So I can do whatever I want to do in my life. There’s no pressure. There’s just the fun of playing the games I choose to play.

And we all have games we love to play.

We can play the “get a promotion at work” game, the “find new subscribers for my email list” game, the “start my business” game, the “take a sabbatical” game, the “write my book” game, the “move to the countryside” game, the “go part-time” game, the “ask what I really want for” game or even the “win the Champions League” game…

And whether or not we win those games, our happiness is still ours.

I don’t know if Klopp would put it quite like this, but I think he’s saying the same thing.

I think this is what he's getting at when he says “I’m not here to get everything. I’m here to GIVE everything”

Klopp knows it’s not outcomes which matter. What matters is engaging with the game instead. 

And when you start playing games and giving your all, no doubt you’ll lose more often…

But crucially, you’ll win more often too.

After all, you can’t win a game you’re not playing.

If you’d like to check out the interview:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMy6GESNkDc

To fulfilment,

Tom