Baby Grundy turns 18 months in a few weeks.
While I have no idea where the time has gone, I do have a few reflections on what Baby Grundy (henceforth known as Toddler Grundy) has shown me about life.
Starting with:
*** I can see close-up that feelings are made to pass. Toddler Grundy is in the thick of a new wave of separation anxiety and when Lauren leaves the room, the tears start falling. But a few minutes later, Toddler Grundy is back to her chirpy, curious self. She’s not building a narrative in her head or holding a
grudge, so her feelings don't linger
*** Asking for what you want is a hugely underrated tactic. Toddler Grundy has zero qualms asking for what she wants and it pretty much works every time. More porridge? Time to play with monkey? The blue cup rather than the green cup? She lets us know. Turns out Toddler Grundy hasn't learnt to talk herself out of
things yet
*** Toddler Grundy didn't learn how to walk via a textbook. She doesn't learn how to speak by watching a tutorial. She didn't learn how to wave by figuring out how her muscles and tendons work. She learns by doing again and again and again, until she can do whatever she's trying to do. Quite the difference from an adult who wants to learn
public speaking (say) who reads three books, watches two TED talks, takes a course and practises in front of their bathroom mirror while never actually doing the thing they're learning to do
*** Novelty is overrated. I must’ve read Goodnight Moon to Toddler Grundy over 20 times and yet she still points at the book most bedtimes. I think there’s an idea
out there which says that pleasure requires novelty. But I wonder if that’s true…
*** Toddler Grundy doesn’t second guess what she knows she wants. If she’s hungry, she eats. If she’s tired, she sleeps. If she needs help, she asks. Whereas I’m guilty of the opposite. If I’m hungry at 11.15am, I question if it’s too early for lunch. If I’m tired, I tell myself
I haven’t earnt a rest yet. If I need help with something, I keep struggling by myself. I’m asking myself whether I “should” whereas Toddler Grundy just does
*** Other people’s opinions are irrelevant. Toddler Grundy doesn't care a jot what anyone else thinks when she starts babbling, singing or crying. Same thing when she throws peas on the floor,
gives herself a clap, then asks me for more peas. She’s not performing for my approval or checking to see if I think she’s doing it right
Truth is, as Toddler Grundy’s Dad, my ego would quite like her to care what I think.
But I’ve come to see this is actually quite lovely.
I really don’t want my role as Dad to be judge and evaluator of Toddler Grundy. She’ll have plenty of other people doing that throughout her life anyway (especially if she joins the merry world of corporate).
And knowing she doesn’t care whether I think she’s living up to some imaginary standard or somehow doing her life “correctly” makes it even easier not to do that. Which means she can live her life (rather than the life she thinks Dad wants her to live) and I can focus on loving her and being with her instead.
Ask me how it's going when she turns fifteen!
In the meantime, if you're a parent who likes thinking about this sort of thing and you'd like your child to become more themselves instead of a mini version of you, you might enjoy this book
To fulfilment,
Tom